Category Archives: Alethea Kontis

Kill Your Darlings

So…I didn’t end up completing NaNoWriMo. Again. And let’s be honest–I didn’t really try. I finished my third pass of revisions by November 10th or so, but sometimes a body just gets SO EXHAUSTED that it’s like getting the flu. Everything shuts down, emotionally and physically, and you can barely get out of bed. The worst part is, we somehow have to find a way to let our bodies do this, and heal.

Thank the Water Gods for Netflix.

I love watching full seasons of TV shows at a time. They’re fun and pass the time…but it’s difficult to see ten of them and not have the writer brain consider dialogue, pacing, and plot structure. This month, I’ve learned quite a bit from two shows: How I Met Your Mother and Grey’s Anatomy.

HIMYM is, at its heart, just a really fun show. But if one considers everything those writers cram into 22 minutes, it’s nothing short of brilliant. Recursive plot lines and comedy, all while moving forward (slowly) the central basis of the very long story Older Ted is telling his children. In 22 minutes, every piece of dialogue has a purpose.

So should our novels.

Grey’s Anatomy is a 43 minute show, which gives them a lot more time for relationships and Long Looks With Puppy Dog Eyes. It is difficult (if nigh impossible) to pull off The Long Look in novels. As authors we default to describing what we believe the character is thinking at that moment. While watching the show, this is something we are forced to infer from the actor’s microexpressions. (Or lack thereof.)

GA also invoked what many people think of as The Whedon Rule: At some point during the episode, someone will die. It’s possibly going to be out of left field, and more than likely going to be a character with whom you are incredibly sympathetic. Even if you’re NOT emotionally connected to this character, sometimes the death itself makes you love the character even more.

It’s a bit of a game, when the show starts, attempting to deduce who’s going to kick the bucket so everyone else can live. There are no guarantees the rest of the cast will arrive at the end of the episode unharmed, but it’s a safer bet.

I’ve never liked killing off my characters. It’s not really something that was ever done in fairy tales, and when it did happen, those folks tended to have some sort of influence beyond the grave. (No matter the retelling, Cinderella’s story doesn’t work without the absence of her mother.)

These days, your audience will not believe you unless you are more brutal and “realistic” with your characters. This means that people have to get hurt–physically and emotionally–through the course of your novel, and in many cases, someone unexpected has to die.

This means we, as authors, have to off one of the characters we’ve poured our heart and soul into. And that SUCKS.

Why do you think The Whedon Rule is now all but required in today’s fiction?

Have you ever had to kill off a character, felt that you should, or wished that you hadn’t?

The Mermaid Period

[Due to illness, the part of Kerri Mermaid will be played today by Alethea Mermaid. ]

***sprinkles glitter***

As some of you may know, I have a side job that I love…but one I can’t really talk about.

It’s not a “day job” — writing is my day job now, and I don’t make enough from this side job to do much more than pay my AT&T bill every month.

Lots of writers in the DC area have jobs they can’t talk about, so it’s a pretty common theme around here. Most of those jobs involve a security clearance. Mine involves lots of shots and First Aid training.

I am a substitute for the Loudoun County Youth After School program (YAS). It’s only three hours a day, on school days, and only when I get called in. I cover regular leader and supervisor positions in nine schools.

And that’s pretty much all I can tell you. Because when one works with minors, one is sworn to secrecy about their actions,  conversations, and identities.

I am not, however, sworn to secrecy about my own efforts that come about as a result of the YAS program. For instance, let’s take this masterpiece right here:

Earlier this year, Neil Gaiman told the world to Make Good Art. It’s hard to believe one is Making Good Art when one is Stuck in Revision Hell. I have been itching to make art for some time, and when presented with the opportunity last week, I jumped on it.

What do you think? I mean, seriously? HOW FABULOUS IS THIS??

You know you love it. (And no, it is not for sale.)

The first mermaid was the one with the sweater. I know…not the best selection for a mermaid torso, but fish are cold-blooded! Why wouldn’t a mermaid wear a sweater if she wanted to?

The second mermaid was the middle blonde in the bikini. Her tail was a bit too much like curtains, so I patched on some stones and bricks I found in a skateboarding magazine. I like the way it came out.

The third mermaid was the one in the foreground because SHE HAS A LOBSTER. ‘Nuff said.

The school of red & black fish came out great, but I’m a little disappointed that the other fish don’t *pop* quite as well. I’m also disappointed that there wasn’t a little more diversity in my mermaids–my only excuse is that I worked with what I had.

So…your own thoughts and critiques? I’m interested to hear them.

And remember, THIS IS A FABULOUS WORK OF ART, so please compliment accordingly. *grin* xox

This.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

This is what happens when you land on the first day of NaNoWriMo and you’re still not done the read-through of the novel revision that was due on the 31st AND IT’S YOUR DAY TO BLOG.

*grin*

You’re all participating in National Novel Writing Month, right? Me too. My handle is Princess Alethea.

You will see from my stats that I have participated in NaNo a bunch of years, and I have yet to ever complete it. That’s right, folks, I have failed EVERY SINGLE TIME.

But that doesn’t stop me from trying.  As I learned from Sherrilyn Kenyon & Buzz Lightyear: Never Give Up! Never Surrender!

Based on the fact that I only had a few months to piece together a novel this summer (and then completely revise & partially rewrite it), I believe this year is my best chance of hitting 50K by November 30th.

But I’m not holding my breath.

For instance, I will probably get no new writing done until this weekend because I AM STILL POLISHING THIS REVISION. (And let me assure you, I am chomping at the bit to work on a new project right now. Anything else. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.)

Want to feel more productive than a NYT Bestselling author? Friend me on NaNo. You’ll instantly feel better about yourself, I promise.

So, do you NaNo?

Embracing Self-Plagiarism

One of the questions a writer is most-often asked is whether they are a “Plotter” or a “Pantser.” We’ve talked about it here on the Waterworld Mermaids a few times. Do you painstakingly outline things, or do you just fly by the seat of your pants and just write like the wind?

I tell people I’m a Plotter, only because the NaNoWriMo goal continues to elude me. The most I’ve ever been able to write in a month is around 36,000 words. Folks who can “Fast Draft” and do something like 50,000 words in a weekend completely blow my mind. *looks at Denny Mermaid*

Am I a Plotter by the true definition? No. Do I actually write all these things down on notecards and post-its and poster board? Not really. I’ve tried it. Short lists, sure. Bullet points. This sequel I’m working on? I outlined it for the publisher three times. The actually manuscript? Well…it kind of looks like the latest outline…

My online SF writers group came up with a great term I’ve embraced: The Athena Writer. Athena Writers don’t necessarily have to have something on paper before they write it. They could look like they’re napping, or staring off into space after a big dinner, and then once in front of the computer the scene springs, fully-formed, from their minds. This is how I write. I have to have everything figured out in my head before I write a scene down. I don’t feel comfortable writing it if it doesn’t make logical sense.

Let’s be clearer: I don’t feel comfortable typing it into the manuscript if it doesn’t make logical sense.

While writing this new book, I’ve stumbled upon a process that I’m definitely going to try more of. I don’t really have a name for it yet. Maybe you guys can help me out.

I go places while I’m writing a novel; it’s inevitable. The doctor’s office. Job training. Lunch dates. These are places where it’s unlikely I’m going to have enough time to “get in the zone” and spend an hour cranking out 500 beautifully poetic words.

However, like most writers worth their salt, I carry a notebook with me everywhere I go. In whatever time I have, I scribble down things that I know need to be said, or that will happen in the next scene. Doesn’t even have to be full sentences. Key words, bullet points, clever dialogue. In essence, I’m “fast drafting”, but in very short bursts, on paper. And because it’s on paper and not in the Word Document, I feel less like I’m having to go back and redo work I’ve already done.

There may be some people who enjoy redoing work they’ve already done. I’m definitely not one of them.

This way, I feel like I’m cheating. Like I’m copying off someone else’s paper while I massage the details into my own style. Only this time, the paper I’m copying off is my own.

It’s all about the paper. I still love writing longhand. Writing on paper gives me the freedom to write crap,. I can do it short-hand, or in the margins, with picture doodles. Then when I sit down in front of my computer later, I spend less time staring off into oblivion or rummaging through the fridge because I already know what’s supposed to happen next. I’ve written it right there! All I have to do is make it a little more flowery and move the scene along. Next!

In the last week, thanks to some of this on-paper-scene-drafting, I’ve raised my daily word count from 1000 words/day to 2000+. Granted, I’m getting closer to the end of the book and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. That always helps. But I’m still going to keep it up. They’re not groundbreaking numbers, but to me it makes a world of difference.

I am all for anything that can make the act of Putting my Butt in the Chair less painful.

So does this make me a Plotter? A Pantser? A Fast-Drafter? A Self-Plagiarist? I suppose I’m a little bit of all these things. Not that any of it matters.

My editor doesn’t really give a flying fig about how I get to THE END…just as long as I get there.

How Long Does it Take To Get Published?

“How long does it take to get published” is the title of fellow YA author Brigid Kemmerer’s blog post today. She makes some very good points and chats about her own story. (You should go read it…or at least click over to say hi.)

Like Brigid, I, too, get asked this question quite a lot.

“There is no ‘standard’ in how long it takes to get published,” says Brigid, and she’s absolutely right. Asking an author how long it takes to get published is even more subjective than “Where do you get your ideas?” An author can generally tell you where the seed for a particular novel/story/scene came from. In order to answer “How long does it take to get published”, you have to know two things: Where to mark the START and the END.

How long have you been with your significant other? Married couples get to celebrate an anniversary on the day the got married, but what about the day they met? Their first date? Their first kiss? The day they moved in together? The day they shot that guy and drove to Mexico?

There are too many places for an author to start.
For me, the START places are:

1.) When I was eight years old and announced to my parents that “If this acting thing doesn’t work out, I’ll just fall back on being a writer.” (1984)

2.) In college, when a bunch of my friends emailed around their answers to a personal profile questionnaire, and my answer to “What do you want to accomplish by the time you’re 30?” was “To be published.” (1994)

3.) When I started reviewing books for the local free press every two weeks (my paycheck was also free) (January 2003)

4.) When I attended Orson Scott Card’s Literary Bootcamp, my first formal writing education (June 2003)

5.) When I went to High Hallack and met Andre Norton (2003)

6.) When I got my first official book contract for AlphaOops!: The Day Z Went First (2004)

Based on this timeline, I usually pick 2003 as my START, since it’s obvious to me that’s when I decided to take writing seriously and devote major time and energy into pursuing it as a career. But I’d been faffing around writing and submitting stuff to the school literary anthology, the neighborhood newsletter, and magazine contests (never the school newspaper, though, and I have no idea why) since that first bullet point at 1995.

I’ve heard so many people say, “If you’re submitting, then you’re a writer!” If that’s true, then I’ve been a writer since I was eight.

Now we have to pick an ending!
Possible END dates for me:

1.) 2003 — when that book review column started running in The Rutherford Reader. (I held that position, unpaid, for two years. As long as I met my deadline, they put me in the paper.)

2.) 2004 — when I got the book contract for AlphaOops!: The Day Z Went First

3.) 2006 — when AlphaOops!: The Day Z Went First was actually in print

These END places work fine for me, but some people aren’t satisfied by this. Some would prefer the time I started writing the novel (Enchanted) to the time it was published (2012) because picture books and anthologies and Dark-Hunter Companions don’t count. But then do I mark the start date from the time I wrote the original “Sunday” short story for the Codex Writers contest in 2005, or after that, when I decided to turn it into a novel? What about the novel I wrote in 2005 that’s still making the rounds and has yet to be picked up by an editor? Where does that fit in?

Obviously, the answer to “How long does it take to get published” varies by author. For me, it’s somewhere between 1 and 28 years.

MY question is: When people ask this, where are they starting from? At what point do they set their own personal timer? And who do they get to blame if the cake’s not finished when the buzzer sounds?

Given all these START and END points, what would you answer if you were me?

The Ultimate Sacrifice

This was so much easier when I lived alone.

It took six years for Enchanted to go from being a published short story to a faced-out hardcover at Barnes & Noble. I had the luxury of dropping the manuscript whenever I wanted to write a short story in Excel, or scold Dark-Hunters, or help my friend Janet with an art show. But when I finally made the push to finish the novel, I drove to Starbucks every evening after work and didn’t go home until I had written at least 1000 words. Some days, I only had coffee for dinner.

That doesn’t really fly when you have a family.

First of all, the only decent Starbucks with a sitting area is 5 miles from the house, and it is PACKED night and day. Going there is a commitment in which I must stalk one of the oversized chairs by the fireplace, and then pray that whoever sits next to me is not of the Very Loud And Keeps Looking At You To See If You Also Think Their Story Is Amusing Because Doesn’t Everyone variety.

(I know what those people are like. I’m one of them.)

My apartment complex has a “clubhouse”, which includes a fairy large room with giant windows where people generally wait before the apartment folks to drive them around in a golf cart. Of course, 1.) they just remodeled it so there’s a good chance it looks nothing like the lovely faux-Victorian sitting room it used to and 2.) My apartment complex was sold to a new company and they’re running it into the ground. Not sure that’s the best option either…but it’s an option.

Because writing AT HOME is virtually impossible.

Ideally, when one writes at home, one has an office. It is possible for one not to have an office if one has a room with a decently comfy sofa (for the laptop) and a side table (for your drink of choice). (Don’t write at the kitchen table–it’s ergonomically disastrous, and your body will not thank you for it.) This room must also be decently tidy, or else every time you look up from the computer to finish a sentence, you will be DISTRACTED BY EVERYTHING.

Because the Fairy Godboyfriend and I share his daughters with their mom half the week, it’s a bit easier, but they’re still teenagers and therefore still pack the entropic force of an F5 twister. When one lives alone, one’s mess is one’s own. When one lives with three other people, this mess is compounded four-fold, and is somehow still your responsibility to clean up, as you are the one who works from home (and has yet to make as much as your SO’s dayjob).

And because you’re not raking in the dough yet, you don’t have the luxury of that huge house on the water with a skylit room over the garage. You are stuck in a one-bedroom apartment that is in a constant state of post-apocalyptic disaster.

What you must–MUST–train yourself to do is IGNORE THESE THINGS.

“Oh, I’ll just hire a maid,” you say. I said that too. But the house actually has to be CLEAN before the maid comes. Yes, she can dust and do the toilets, but she can’t vacuum if you have all your book tour stuff strewn all over the living room floor, and she has no idea where (or if) the piles of books all around the room are meant for the bookshelves, giveaways, storage, or sales. She doesn’t know which swag goes in which box, or which pens she should never put away because those are your signing pens.

But you are not allowed to drop everything and clean your house, because you have a book to write, and NOW YOU HAVE A DEADLINE, a real one, and you need to crank out some words. But the boxes from publishers don’t stop coming, and the teenagers don’t stop eating, and the mess is being made faster than you can clean it up and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Ignoring your house is one of the most difficult things a writer must do.

You need to have three things in your house for your family at all times:
1.) Clean laundry (which is the easiest thing to do, since you can throw in a load and see how many words you can write before putting it in the dryer)
2.) toilet paper
3.) bread and cheese for sandwiches

The rest of it, you simply have to accept, is going to look like hell for…well…as long as it takes. Your family will probably not eat a healthy meal on your watch. You have to be okay with that.

The coping mechanism I’ve used most recently is to pretend that I am under the weather. When you’re sick, nothing gets done, right? You let yourself off the hook. Well, it’s the same kind of thing here. You have to let that part of yourself off the hook while the writer part of yourself reigns free.

Beware of two dangerous things:

1.) The “pick up one thing per day” deal. You may make this deal with yourself, but it’s a dangerous one. Because there is SO MUCH to do, and one thing can EASILY turn into twelve when you’re trying to distract yourself from Chapter 9.

2.) “But my kids and significant other can take care of things while I can’t.” That way lies madness. Especially when you have teenagers. Do not set yourself up for disappointment AND the hurt feelings of your family members, because that only leads to a stressful environment you won’t be able to write in at all.

You have to be zen about this and let it all go. You will clean the tub when you get in it one morning and it looks like a horror movie, and you will throw away the green thing in the back of your refrigerator when you’re foraging for something to distract you from Chapter 12. But you MUST LET THE HOUSEWORK GO TO HELL.

This is the ultimate sacrifice.
The penultimate sacrifice: EMAIL.

*sigh*

You guys got any other excuses/coping mechanisms/magical spells/suggestions you’d like to share that might help?

The Adventures of Supermermaid #1

I am a comic book geek, dyed in the wool from the tender age when I could lift my first Archie Comics Digest. Casey and I loved Elfquest in middle school. I moved on to Arkham Asylum and the X-Men Phoenix Saga and John Byrne’s Next Men when I was a teen. In college, my boyfriend gave me a graphic novel by that guy Tori Amos was always writing into her songs–at my first Dragon*Con, Charles Vess drew the Sandman in silver paint pen inside my first edition hardcover of The Wake. It’s one of my most prized possessions.

I’ve been to comic book conventions before, spoken to artists and authors, found new things and scavenger hunted for signatures. But this past weekend at HeroesCon 2012 was my very first time BEHIND A TABLE.

I snuck into the comics industry through a hidden passage in the hedgerow. My collaborator on The Wonderland Alphabet: Alice’s Adventures Through the ABCs and What She Found There (just released last week!) is the amazing artist Janet K. Lee. Janet and I have been friends for over a decade–we worked at the same book wholesaler in TN. I was the writer; she was the artist. I started out in magazines and picture books, she started selling in local art shows and galleries. I went on to get a novel published. Janet went on to win a Will Eisner Comic Industry Award for Return of the Dapper Men (written by Jim McCann, another friend who used to work at that same book wholesaler, coincidentally enough).

When the publisher of Dapper Men (Archaia Entertainment) asked Janet if she had any other projects lying fallow that they could publish while she and Jim worked on a sequel, Janet mentioned the ProtoPulp Art Show in which I had helped her create an Alice in Wonderland alphabet book…and the rest, as they say, is history.

Since Archaia is a publisher of fine comic books, I suddenly found myself stepping over the threshold of the comic book world. My official title is “creator.”

Talk about a dream come true.

Yes, comics is a whole other genre and therefore a whole other world, full of fabulously talented people and a boatload of new best friends to make. I was like a kid in a candy store.

Only, at HeroesCon, I had to work at the candy store. Here are some things I learned:

1.) The convention floor opens an hour before doors open to the public. Be there as early as you can. It may take you 5 minutes to set up your table, but before the doors open is the only time the other creators have to walk around and meet people and buy things. I signed a ton of books and prints, just while setting up.

2.) Artists like to support other artists, especially at HeroesCon. If you are a comic book geek, some creators will offer you a “trade” of your book for theirs (or a bunch of theirs). Ultimately, it’s all about loving what you’re doing and getting the word out to like-minded people. I didn’t get to walk the show floor much, but the couple of times I was offered a trade, I took it.

3.) You will get a MASSIVE thigh work out. This is not something I had anticipated. My feet hurting, sure–those floors are uncarpeted cement and very unforgiving. I am one of those people who stands when they talk to someone. I stood most of Friday. I sat a few times on Saturday when I got tired, or I needed to sign something, but I would pop right back up again when a new person walked by. All this up-down-up-down was the equivalent of eight straight hours of Catholic Mass. When I woke up Sunday morning to walk to the bathroom, I almost collapsed in pain.

4.) You will not eat. Or drink, much. As a Dragon*Con regular, I am never without a Powerbar and a bottle of water. Which is good, because we never got a break to leave the table. Ever. Once, the Fairy Godboyfriend brought me a leftover slice of pizza from his lunch. Once, Anya Martin from the Womanthology table brought me a frappuccino back from her Starbucks run. Once, on Saturday, during a lull, I went to the bathroom. I returned to find a line at the table and three items needing my signature immediately.

Janet never left the table the entire time. I told you–she’s amazing. Of course, she also does San Diego Comic Con every year, so she’s a seasoned pro. I’m still working up to that level of awesome.

Due to a work emergency of the Fairy Godboyfriend’s, I was whisked away early and forgot to say goodbye to a few people. I promise to make it up to them at Dragon*Con or Baltimore ComicCon, or New York ComicCon. If you’re going to be at any of those, please come find me and Janet in the Artist’s Alley!

In the meantime, I’m going to work on my novel…and read Princeless and Girls with Slingshots during the breaks. While curled up with my new Lando Calrissian plush.

So…what’s YOUR favorite comic book?

Snakes & Snails

I began writing this bog post on April 29th, in the main lobby of the Best Western Westminster, less than an hour after the WRW Retreat officially ended. A few of the Mermaids convinced me to stay on a few extra days with them, to work on my massive pre-book-tour to-do list in solitude and sisterhood.

***************

I have my spoon, and I’m all set to dig my way out of Shawshank. The adventure I’m about to embark upon is a massive undertaking of my own creation, but I am equal to the task because I AM AMAZING.

I am also a mess.

I feel like I’m completely coming apart at the seams. I managed to hold the AWESOME together until last night at dinner, when Robyn Carr told us that everything was going to be all right.

I’ve always said that if I could go back in time to tell my teenage self anything (apart from “Boys are stupid, avoid them at all costs”), it would be just what Robyn said: I know it’s hard right now. This is the hardest part. But everything’s going to be all right.

With that in mind, I present to you:

Princess Alethea’s Fairly Short List of Things No One Tells You When Your First Book is Published

This list always changes. With advances in both technology & social networking, the expectations of authors ten years form now will be vastly different than it is today. As always, your mileage may vary. But as this is what I’ve learned, this is what I mean to pass on to you right now.

1.) DON’T PANIC. Douglas Adams wasn’t joking. In the month leading up to your publication date, you will be overwhelmed. Even if your publisher prints all your promotional material and schedules your entire book tour (for which I will forever be jealous), there will suddenly be a mountain of teeny little tasks that bury you under your to-do list and drive you mad as a hatter.  Any plan you have will be discarded the moment your publicist tell you that you have 48 hours in which to drop everything and write an article for the New York Times or Huffington Post…regardless of whether or not that article ever sees the light of day.

You must also remember Rule Number One when…say…the publisher of your novel declares bankruptcy three days after your book is released…but I digress.

2.) Expect the unexpected. And vice versa. Prepare yourself and at all times have on your person:

Pens
Water
Granola bar
Promotional material (bookmarks/postcards/etc)
Business Cards
Napkins/tissue
gum/mints
medicine (Advil, Excedrin, etc)

It is possible that the bookstores will provide all of these things, but it’s more probable that they will have none. If you have it all, that’s a boatload of stress off of you. I suggest making a special “booksigning kit”. Keep it stocked, and keep it with you.

Conversely, don’t expect the expected. All of your friends will offer to help you out in various ways. If 10% of these people come through for you in the way that you expect, count yourself lucky. (My 10% know who they are, and yes, the Mermaids are among them.)

Most of these disappointments will be caused by events beyond your control–funny how those events seem to come from every corner of the universe and conspire against you all at the same time. A very similar thing happens when friends promise to help you move.

You will be disappointed. It’s inevitable. You simply have too many irons in the fire. But with so many irons, it’s okay if a few fall out. And if you leave yourself open to the whims of the universe, you will be pleasantly surprised at the gifts Fate leaves on your doorstep right when you need them. (Mary Rodgers, I’m looking at you, fairy godmother.)

3.) Your publisher will screw something up. These things are so far beyond anyone’s control it’s ridiculous. A bookstore will suddenly put a price cap on all their acquisitions. Your e-book will not be ready by release date. Your name will suddenly disappear of Amazon as the author of the book, and the cover will go with it.

All of these things have happened to me at one time or another. When they do I vent in the manner appropriate (scream, cry, call a Mermaid), and then I straighten my tiara and Tweet to everyone how the world is an amazing place. I do this because FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION.

Shit happens. It just does. If you throw a fit & draw attention to it, that’s what people will remember about you. Chances are, your fans will never notice a thing, and your publisher will applaud the fact that you’re not one of those authors.

I could go on, but this is a pretty good start. If you prepare as much as you can up front, you’ll have more time to spare putting out fires o the back end. Three people on your blog tour jumped the gun and posted on the same day while you’re out of town at a funeral? No problem. You planned for this.  If you don’t link to them today, you’ll do it tomorrow. The world will not end. Bookstore signing cancelled because they only received in one copy of book? Smile and reschedule. They will be more embarrassed about it than you.

Whatever happens to you, keep your head held high. The Earth will not stop turning and the sun will come up in the East, just like it always has…and always will.

This is the hard part. We do it because it needs to be done in order for us to keep doing the one thing we love most in the world: Writing.

Launching a book is sweaty and stressful and unromantic. It’s also wonderful and magical all at the same time. You take the good with the bad. We writers are married to this life, for better or worse. Sugar and spice and snakes and snails and all.

Above all, keep your faith.

Because everything is going to be all right.

Happy Mothers’ Day!

For Mothers’ Day, I asked my beautiful mother to write a guest post for me on my blog. I thought it would be something cute and fun for everyone, and it wouldn’t take up too much of her time.

I had no idea what a big deal this would be.

I mean, I’ve been blogging for almost a decade. It’s like riding a bike. But while Mom’s an avid reader and frequent commenter, she reminded me that it’s a completely different situation when you’re on the other end of that post.

*************************************

Write a guest blog? Sure. How hard can that be?

Now, what shall I write about?

Since nothing immediately popped into my head I decided to consider some of the suggestions made by others. Hmmmm, “35 things” you do not know about me? Interesting – since everyone knows that my special number is “35”. (Well, maybe you don’t know.  I use that number as often as possible.  You see, I’ve told you at least “35” times!)

A story about me? Sorry, that would be just BORING! And besides, what Alethea doesn’t know, someone else knows.

Hmmmm, a story about our “favorite cousin.”  Of course, we all know who recommended that one – the favorite cousin! Wait, that would be Alethea and Soteria’s favorite cousin — my nephew.

Who’s writing this blog? How hard can it be?

It’s Mother’s Day! Should I write about Mothers? About what it’s like being a mother? That subject is so over done.

Maybe I should write about my mother or maybe her mother or about my daughters being mothers?

How hard can it be?

How long does this blog have to be? I wonder if I could write and write and not really say anything special. Maybe I did just that! What do you think? Were you interested enough to even read this blog?

This is really hard. My hat is off to all the wonderful people who write all those wonderful blogs that the rest of us can just relax and enjoy reading.

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Mom ultimately decided to go the “35 Things About Me” route…pop on over to my blog today to see what she came up with. Comments are appreciated and definitely encouraged.

Happy Mothers’ Day to you all!

Pervasive Sexual Innuendo

As promised last month, when I got off on a Hunger Games tangent, this is my actual, intelligent post about Team Edward vs. Team Jacob. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The King of Hearts recommends beginning at the beginning, and so I shall.

So this novel I wrote (Enchanted) comes out next month, and the reviews (which I read) are pouring in from every direction. These reviews are all over the place–from one star to five stars–but that’s good. I don’t want everyone to love my book. I want some people to love it and some people to hate, because that sparks a conversation, and conversations make the world go round.

But this post is not about reviews. This post is about sex.

One reviewer on Goodreads (who shall remain nameless only because I lack the energy to hunt it down), mentioned that she couldn’t even finish Enchanted because of all the pervasive sexual innuendo.

Now, I’m a fan of reading about sex, but I don’t write about it. And that’s okay. There are plenty more authors (here on this website, even!) who are more talented than I when it comes to writing sex scenes. I like the cheesy, embarrassing, falling in love part of the relationship. I write YA, so this is not a problem. (I also have no problem with YA titles that include sexual situations, so let’s not go there.)

But I was baffled that this novel I wrote was apparently SO RAUNCHY that a reader couldn’t even finish it. And I wasn’t even trying.

GO, ME!!!

My curious cat was satisfied when another reader–who also hated the book–went on at length about why, including and explanation all the “pervasive sexual innuendo” that permeated the first part of the book. (Thank you.)

The hero of Enchanted, Rumbold, grew up as a spoiled brat prince with no mother and a misogynist dad. He had all of life at his fingertips, money was no object, and–oh yeah–he couldn’t die until the frog curse kicked in on his eighteenth birthday. When eighteen came and went and the curse didn’t kick in, he just got frustrated and lashed out.

If you were an eighteen year old boy with all the money and power you could ever want and you couldn’t die, what would YOU do?  WHATEVER YOU WANTED, right? So he did.

Then the curse kicked in, during which time he met the love of his life, and he worried about what she might think of his incredibly sordid past…

(That’s about all I can tell you without getting into spoiler territory)

So here’s what I think: This all boils down to being a matter of Team Edward versus Team Jacob. While I never finished reading Twilight (I didn’t care for Bella and Edward made no sense to me), I’ve consulted with many folks who have. They agreed that it’s fair to say that Edward is the Celibate Guy Who Waits Forever For His One True Love and Jacob is…well…a Wolf.

I never had cause to think of it before, but Rumbold is definitely a Team Jacob kind of guy. He was young. He was a mess. He had opportunities. He took them. He had all the starry-eyed romance ripped from his life when he was a child, and then when he actually found it, he put a lot of work into picking up the pieces.

I suspect this is why Edward made no sense to me. From what little of Twilight I read, he spent about a century and a half alone and going to high school. (Seriously, how much does a guy have to hate himself to go through that torture?) If there was a particular reason that Edward wasn’t looking at every pair of legs that walked by, then I might have been a little more emotionally invested in his character.

I’m guessing that all the Rumbold-haters in the audience are probably of the Team Edward persuasion. But even in my fantasy stories I have to be realistic.

Girls, Ladies, Young Women: The guy you find, that one guy for you, is not going to be perfect. Don’t try to make him perfect. But he’s going to want to be a better man, for you, and that’s what matters.

Those of you on Team Jacob — I highly recommend placing your preorder for Enchanted right now.

Those of you on Team Edward…well, you’re just going to have to wait for the sequel.

Which Team are you? Or do you want to fight with me about Twilight? Bring it on. Conversations make the world go round.