I’ve been on a quest to find the perfect tagline. That elusive phrase that summarizes all that there is to know about moi the writer and aspiring author. Why is it important since I don’t have an agent (yet), or a book sold (yet)? Well, it’s all about marketing in the new era of author as business owner (can I get an AMEN).

In this new age, you can’t just sit back and rest on your laurels. You must create the foundation for success by getting on board the marketing train and tooting your own horn. You would think I could do this with my eyes closed. After all, I am a professional marketer. Have been for 25 years. But nope…and you ask why?

I’ve hit a brick wall.

I just can’t come up with that clever catch phrase, and “I’m smart. I know things.” (Think Godfather II, and you’ll get the reference:)…But clearly I don’t know as much as I thought about creating a brand for me (versus clients or even offering advice and creative to other authors and writers).

So, I’ve been doing my research, searching the Internet and visiting at least a 100 author sites, and here’s what I’ve deduced.

1)  Once you hit the NYTimes Bestseller list -you don’t need a tag line:)

2) If you write Urban Fantasies – you don’t need a tag line:)

3) If you are a male author – you don’t need a tag line (okay, this doesn’t help me much, but it’s what I got)

4) And with all of this said – I still want my freaking tagline…

What’s your tagline and how did you come up with it?

And if you’ve got something left and can spare – toss it my way!

Two weeks later and I am still thinking about the spotlight session on St. Martin’s Press at RWA’s National Conference in Manhattan. 

I had decided to take that particular day and have a little fun.  Choose workshops that weren’t necessarily honed in on craft, possibly pop in on a book signing or two and I’m so glad I did.  I had no idea what the “spotlights” on the publishing houses were going to be about but one of my favorite authors writes for SMP and so I found a seat and debated whether or not I’d need my notebook.  Just to be on the safe side, I dug it out of my overstuffed bag and relaxed into my seat.  I scribbled a header on my blank note page and thought that I’d probably be jotting down submission guidelines once things got started.  What I found myself voraciously copying down once the ladies of SMP began their presentation was not just information I could easily find on a website somewhere but truly invaluable insight that was only being shared there in that room! 

The question the editors posed, “What makes us buy a book?” (The room’s posture collectively became a little straighter, eyes and ears perked up.)

The answer, “An interesting voice.” (An internal erggh, “But what is that?” silently bounced off the walls.)

They then each took a turn at reading the passages from books that hooked them into wanting more and eventually buying.  For some it was a relatable character they’d become invested in, for others a great set-up, lush details or an emotionally intense scene.  Sometimes the hook leaped out at them right from the first pages while one editor noted that her favorite passage hadn’t revealed itself to her until well into the second chapter. (A sigh of relief from those of us who need a few more pages to get good and meaty.)

It got me thinking about how my favorite passages or moments from the truly unique and memorable books I’ve read are still right there in my mind.  Completely unforgettable and also unique to me, the reader, a bit like they are to editors.  I’d like to share a few of mine:

“Orange is the second color of the rainbow.  It’s bright and sticks out like your husband in a crowd.” From the essay “The Rainbow Means Life” by Alexandria Soto-Flores.  This fresh and touching way to describe the color struck me right away and I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.

The cherry-flavored salad dressing discussion amongst Olivia Cunning’s rock stars on a trip to the grocery store in Backstage Pass.  The heat level in this book is the highest I’ve ever gone but what had me cracking up and loving it, what gave it heart for me, are scenes like this one that come out of nowhere and tickle your giggle bone.

Kristan Higgin’s wheelchair bound grandma in Too Good to be True when she compares Meme’s ramming the chair into Grace’s shins to be as “ruthless as Ramses bearing down on the fleeing Hebrew slaves.”  I once thanked Kristan for giving us Callahan O’Shea from this wonderful book but I wish I’d have thought to thank her for weaving in passages like this one that make us laugh in spite of the fact that it’s a painful situation we’re really dealing with.

These are only a few examples of what I believe the St. Martin’s Press editors were trying to convey to us that day in their spotlight.  That special and unique voice that we all have, just waiting to become a reader’s favorite passage.

Even if you can’t recall the exact words, what are some of your favorite parts of books, the ones that you’ll never forget?  Please share. 

Lately, there has not been enough chocolate in the world to satisfy me.

Also, the Washington Post’s review of the last Harry Potter movie made me cry – and I’ve only read a few of the books and seen two of the movies, it’s not like I’m invested.

Finally, I’m a bit …. how should I put it … snarly.

So it hit me today, PMS has snuck up on me again. Yeah, I’m real quick that way.

What does my TMI have to do with writing? Well, just as scientists have declared that men get PMS too, so do writers. Ours is a special strain and by using the following self-diagnosis chart you can determine if you are suffering from Writer PMS.

1. Is Everything You Write Crap?

Now, that’s not what other people say about it. That’s what that cranky-pants who lives in the back of your head whispers to you while you’re staring at your computer screen.

2. Are You Unable to Spell?

Most of us have words that baffle us (one of mine is bananas – yes, I had to use spell check to write that), but when a writer is struck with Writer PMS even the word the becomes difficult.

3. Does No One Understand Your Brilliance?

This is the ying to No. 1’s yang. So what if twelve critique parters, three potential agents, four editors and even your dog has said you plot is implausible and your hero a slime ball? You won’t even consider taking a critical eye to your perfect prose.

4. Have You Decided to Scrap Everything?

Similar to No. 1, but with the added twist of a delete button, this symptom of Writer PMS is one of the most serious. Just as one shouldn’t shop for tight dresses while PMSing, nor should you make book altering decisions when you’re in such a state of mind.

5. Is Every Word Out of Your Mouth to Your Writer Friends is a Complaint?

We all have bad days, but when one is suffering from Writer PMS there is nothing redeeming to be found in the writing life. The royalties suck. The editors are idiots. Other writers just want to steal our ideas. Agents are evil trolls. And book reviewers/bloggers – they’re stuck up wenches. I know, I know. It’s shocking to see it written, but when you’re in the throes of Writer PMS it all seems logical and totally rational.

If you’ve answered yes to any of the above symptoms, you may be suffering from a case of Writers PMS.

If you’ve answered yes as many as four questions, you have a raging case of Writers PMS.

If you’ve answered yes to all five questions, I’m staying the hell out of your way because you’re on the verge of going postal.

The good news about Writer PMS is that while we all suffer occasionally, it’s effects are temporary. Give it a few days and you’ll pull out of the funk and return to your normally brilliant self. The best cure is amazing friends (may I suggest the Waterworld Mermaids?), walking away from the computer for at least a day and warm chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven.

Bed Bugs!  My attention from Nationals was diverted by an abundance of urgent discussions on this topic amidst the WRW loop.  Shuddering, I firmly pushed aside thoughts of infestation and focused my attention on the conference and all the whispers that I had heard – “ overwhelming, awe-inspiring.. “You’ll laugh, you’ll cry.. your life will never be the same again.”   Yeah, sure, I thought, assuming the adage applied to those earthlings who have not been able to reign their emotion to such perfection it should be introduced as an Olympic sport.    

On the first day of the conference, I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something was off.  Don’t get me wrong, there was NOTHING wrong with the conference.  Compared to the millions of others I attended for work purposes, this one rivaled anything I had ever seen; efficient and organized and with attention and preparedness for every detail. 

But as day one morphed into day two, I could no longer keep at bay the creepy crawly feeling seeping into my consciousness.  Past the protective layer of denial I chose to build around the anticipation and anxiety, it wove an ethereal web of fear and uncertainty that infested me worse than any bed bug on the planet. 

It wasn’t the hordes of faces, famous, infamous and yet-to-be-famous faces flitting from room to room.  The creepy crawlies, which I was so worried would be in my bed, were actually in my head.  And so they began to mess with me.  I wandered from workshop to workshop, trying to locate my “place” and not really finding it.   When people asked what I wrote, the only words I wanted to push out of my mouth were, “I’m not a writer.”  And so, like a flattened bed bug, I left.  On my trip home, I thought about the positives; I met up with great WRW friends (hello a few mermaids), attended two FABULOUS workshops and soaked up the greatness of being surrounded by so many writers.  But on the flip side, the conference left in its wake a nest of creepy crawlies that intensified my feelings of doubt and inadequacy. 

In bed that night, as I replayed the events of the days, I realized the conference didn’t “bring” out those feelings.  It just allowed me the opportunity to feel them, something I don’t like doing.   In the end, I’m glad I went, despite the creepy crawlies.  Because as we all know, running from the bugs is a great way to ensure they’ll catch you.  Facing them head on is the only way to go.  So as I nurse the ouchie left on my pocketbook by a pricey stay in NYC, I’m cautiously motivated to utilize those gems of wisdom I learned in those workshops to create a better product.  And hopefully, it isn’t infested with bugs.   Anyone else?

RWA Nationals 2011 had loads of inspiration gushing from every workshop, meal function and hallway conversation. You name it. I loved it. But I usually do. The annual RWA conference is a drug that fills you up with the kind of joy and excitement that can keep you motivated through New Year’s Eve.

But that’s what Nationals is all about. The people. The connections. The camaraderie. The inspiration.

But like in other years, there’s always one topic that haunts me. No matter where I went or what the workshop was supposed to be all about – this subject found a way to worm itself into the moment…yep, I’m talking about self-publishing.

At my RWA 11, there wasn’t one workshop, luncheon or publisher’s spotlight that didn’t feature a comment (or more than one) about self-publishing. And those comments varied dramatically in tone and flare.

Some agents and editors delivered narrow-eyed statements about vanity publishers. Others gave straight-forward, finger wagging warnings about how much hard work was required and how little time a writer would have left to write if they seriously intended to make a go of it via publishing their own works. And then there were the digs about how all of this effort would earn you only a few pennies – if that.

On the other hand, there were a few supporters. Those industry professionals who made it clear that for some authors — for example those who owned their own back lists — self-publishing could well be a good option with the right team (and some solid research). There were even a few self-publishing houses mentioned as worth their weight in gold (sorry I didn’t take notes on these comments so I don’t have examples).

Now where do I fall in all of this?

To some extent, I had the same knee jerk reaction that a lot of writers have about self-publishing: vanity publishing with a new coat of paint.

Continue reading →