Lately, there has not been enough chocolate in the world to satisfy me.
Also, the Washington Post’s review of the last Harry Potter movie made me cry – and I’ve only read a few of the books and seen two of the movies, it’s not like I’m invested.
Finally, I’m a bit …. how should I put it … snarly.
So it hit me today, PMS has snuck up on me again. Yeah, I’m real quick that way.
What does my TMI have to do with writing? Well, just as scientists have declared that men get PMS too, so do writers. Ours is a special strain and by using the following self-diagnosis chart you can determine if you are suffering from Writer PMS.
1. Is Everything You Write Crap?
Now, that’s not what other people say about it. That’s what that cranky-pants who lives in the back of your head whispers to you while you’re staring at your computer screen.
2. Are You Unable to Spell?
Most of us have words that baffle us (one of mine is bananas – yes, I had to use spell check to write that), but when a writer is struck with Writer PMS even the word the becomes difficult.
3. Does No One Understand Your Brilliance?
This is the ying to No. 1’s yang. So what if twelve critique parters, three potential agents, four editors and even your dog has said you plot is implausible and your hero a slime ball? You won’t even consider taking a critical eye to your perfect prose.
4. Have You Decided to Scrap Everything?
Similar to No. 1, but with the added twist of a delete button, this symptom of Writer PMS is one of the most serious. Just as one shouldn’t shop for tight dresses while PMSing, nor should you make book altering decisions when you’re in such a state of mind.
5. Is Every Word Out of Your Mouth to Your Writer Friends is a Complaint?
We all have bad days, but when one is suffering from Writer PMS there is nothing redeeming to be found in the writing life. The royalties suck. The editors are idiots. Other writers just want to steal our ideas. Agents are evil trolls. And book reviewers/bloggers – they’re stuck up wenches. I know, I know. It’s shocking to see it written, but when you’re in the throes of Writer PMS it all seems logical and totally rational.
If you’ve answered yes to any of the above symptoms, you may be suffering from a case of Writers PMS.
If you’ve answered yes as many as four questions, you have a raging case of Writers PMS.
If you’ve answered yes to all five questions, I’m staying the hell out of your way because you’re on the verge of going postal.
The good news about Writer PMS is that while we all suffer occasionally, it’s effects are temporary. Give it a few days and you’ll pull out of the funk and return to your normally brilliant self. The best cure is amazing friends (may I suggest the Waterworld Mermaids?), walking away from the computer for at least a day and warm chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven.
7 thoughts on “Writer PMS”
I can now also suggest the Triple Chocoholic Blizzard flavor of the month at Dairy Queen as I may have been suffering a few of these symptoms last night…
Uh-oh, I did not read that HP review, probably a good thing. Taking the kiddos to see it this morning!
Avery–Thank you for bravely sharing your TMI with us today!
Ohhhhh DQ blizzard. Mmmmmmmmm.
Avery, great post! I have one question for you, though: are you sure chocolate chip cookies are the cure? Or maybe they can masquerade as a symptom? My daughter loves to bake, so there have been a constant stream of cookies in our house lately. I’ve eaten so many freshly baked cookies, you would think I was the happiest writer in the world. Um…not really the case…
What a great post! I’m still laughing. Okay, I can’t think of anything in the world that warm chocolate chip cookies can’t make better…at least temporarily, although, not so great for the waistline. I know I have experienced writer’s PMS a time or two and it does seem like the deck is stacked against you when you are in that frame of mind. I just have to let it go and walk away from my writing for a couple of days until I no longer feel compelled to kill off all of my characters in some tragic and heinous way. 🙂
Okay, who’s talking about DQ! Did you not read my blog!! Arrrggghhh! :)Okay, not sure how much longer on diet. I’ve lost only 6 pounds in 3 weeks.
Heck I lose/gain 5 in water all the time–not sure if it’s going to stick. But chocolate sounds delicious right now and maybe that would help with my writing PMS.
Ah, my old friend chocolate. Preferably frozen inside some ice cream. I’ve been having major writer’s PMS for quite some time.
You know what word drives me nuts after looking at it for awhile? Who. It doesn’t even make any sense. If you look at it long enough, it will make you crazy. Is that the right way to spell it? It certainly came speedily onto my computer screen, like I KNEW it was right. But, is it? It just can’t be right. Then, the longer you look at it, the more WRONG it looks….I finally keep it ‘who’ because I know it’s right, but don’t look at it too long. Sort of like the snake in Jungle Book. Don’t look at it too long…..
Is it writer PMS when you highlight all that lovely work you did in various doctor waiting rooms on Thursday and delete ALL of it by accident? This was not a recoverable error, and I spent some hours frantically trying to rebuild my life and –so sad — sobbing over the loss.
Thank you, coffee Heath bar crunch, you made my life worth living that night. Plus, I’d cashed in enough cans to pay for you. I owed just 29 cents at checkout.
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