Self Efficacy: Sexy

Mermaid CarleneHi fishy friends! It doesn’t happen often, but I’m slipping out of my silly mermaid fins and using some of my bigger words today. I hope you enjoy them.

“Your belief in your own ability to do the things you want to do.”

That’s self-efficacy.

Not too long ago, hubby left a ten page article on my desk with a small note: “PLEASE READ”.

The article was by Ian Walker ( and it was about an experience Ian had that made no sense until he discovered the concept of self-efficacy. It was a great read. I encourage you to check it out where it appeared HERE at The Art of Manliness blog. (PS–As a romance writer, I love this manly blog!!!)

Back to hubby’s note. This was rare. I knew he meant, “AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, please.”

Later that day, before I’d had a chance to read the article, hubby let me know he was unhappy at his day job and he was quitting in the next month to finish his master’s degree as a full-time student.

I’ll admit, there were parts of me, especially the stay-at-home-mom parts of me who depend on hubby to support the family, that had to bite down on the immediate worry his declaration brought on. But the partner who supports hubby’s happiness said, “Okay babe. Let’s do this.”

Even though it’s a scary feeling, there’s something I’ve always been attracted to about hubby and that’s his fearlessness. It got him through twenty-one years in the Army, going off to war a couple times, and now it’s gotten him out of a situation that wasn’t fulfilling him personally and professionally. I have confidence he’ll make something happen for himself and therefore our family as well. Determination, fearlessness, confidence = Sexy!

I dipped down into the tub the day hubby gave me that ten page article and read. What I realized is that I want to be “self-efficacy sexy” for hubby, the same way he is and has been for me. That means I better really believe in my ability to do the things I want to do in life, even if they’re as crazy as being a successful romance writer. I better never quit. I know he won’t.

**Update: I started this blog post last year, knowing I wanted to share it eventually. Well, hubby has been pursuing his master’s degree in counseling for about six months now. We’re living on a student budget which is all kinds of fun. But you know what? He’s never been sexier to me. He’s gonna do this. He’s gonna see it through and he’s gonna help a lot of kids when all is said and done.

Here’s to you believing in yourself and acting on that belief.  There’s plenty of room for more in the Self-efficacy = Sexy club.  Feel free to share a time when you had to rely on a belief in yourself when perhaps it wasn’t the popular thing to do. Maybe a time when doing something you knew in your heart was right even though it made no sense. Have a great day everyone!

Fishy kisses!

Carlene Mermaid

11 thoughts on “Self Efficacy: Sexy

  1. Carlene, I love this post and kudos to your husband for pursuing his dream. And kudos to you for supporting and believing in him. I love the concept of “self-efficacy.” You are so right. If I’m going to make the sacrifices it takes to pursue a writing career, I better damn well believe in my ability to do it. I’m going to remember this the next time the self-doubt trickles in. Thank you so much for sharing!

    1. Hi Pintip, thank you so much. I think you made a really great point and that is the correlation between sacrifice and belief. They have to go hand in hand when you’re taking chances that affect your life. I’m so grateful for everything I have. Thank you for sharing with us too!

  2. Love this, Carlene-Hero! Congrats to you and your hubby!

    Last year when I wanted to buy a condo, most people told me I couldn’t and shouldn’t do it. It was too expensive in this area and I had no money. True and true. But guess what? I did it anyway because one of my life dreams was to own my own place. Best decision I ever made! Yes, money is tight this year but I’ve also gained a ton of new friends and was able to get my darling puppy, Harry! 😉

    1. Kerri, I am so PROUD of you too! It takes a special and good kind of kray-kray to go after something you want when the odds are stacked against you. Your place is lovely and your Harry is the stuff smiles are made of. I agree, best decision ever. xoxoxo

  3. Love it, Carlene! I adore The Art of Manliness, too. I subscribed a few months back so that I could get inside the head of a man … not that I don’t try to do that often in my household (having a husband and three man-teens). But I don’t always find I succeed. The Art of Manliness has helped me see things in a different light. Thanks for sharing this … self-efficacy is a big one for me. I’m a pretty strong-willed person. And for years now I’ve been saying you’ve got to learn to be your own advocate. If you want something in life, you need to do it because, often, others won’t stand up for you. I’m trying to teach my sons this important character trait. Of course being a mother and wife, I partner with my guys all the time to try to help them push ahead. But they’re doing a great job on their own, too. ;0) Thanks for sharing the link to the original article. Good luck as you both pursue the sexy in self-efficacy! <3

    1. Hi Mackenzie! Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing. You’ve brought up the all important part of this which is not just doing it for yourself, but teaching your loved ones too. Especially those man-teens! Oh gosh, the praise we can heap upon The Art of Manliness. Yes, love them too. I think every romance writer should visit that blog at least once. The content is as entertaining as it is insightful. Good luck to you and yours as well!

  4. What a fantastic post, Carlene! Truly inspiring! I think it takes an enormous amount of courage to pursue your dreams when you feel like you’ve already committed to a different path. Sometimes we feel like that, but we figure it’s not worth the time and money (or lack thereof) to make a change.
    Just think of all the kids he will be helping one day. Somebody’s life may change for the better because your husband decided it’s never too late. What a great role model! Good for him! And good for you, too, Carlene for being supportive and for finding that character trait sexy. :-).
    I’m sure he feels the same about you. I know how proud he was when your first book came out. How he encouraged you!
    You guys are the bomb! 🙂

    1. Oh Kim, thank you so much. Your words mean a lot to me and I’ll pass them along to hubby. I saw a bumper sticker today that said “Someday is today”. It really is true. I know we all have commitments and responsibilities, but my hope is that for everyone, at some point in their lives, the timing and situation is workable enough to take that chance. It didn’t come for hubby and myself until we were close to 40. I know others who took the leap to make a change well into their 50’s and 60’s. Heck, my grandma published her first book when she was 70! I’m also continually impressed by the young. Seeing so many of the kids hubby works with. There’s a lot of good out there, just waiting to happen. 🙂

  5. WOW Carlene! Great post! I love this concept. This is often a trait that we attribute to men, that go-get-what-you-want attitude toward life, but you’re right, belief in yourself and your abilities is a sexy trait on anybody. I love that your husband decided to go back to school to do something that he wants to do. Even more I love that you are willing to make sacrifices to support his dreams. And willing to drive forward in your own writing career to be successful. Hugs! 🙂

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