First, a little character description.

My mom is five-feet, two-inches tall and mostly round. She smiles – a lot. Her nickname is bubbles. She is a stamping fanatic. And she scares me to the bone. Well, not her exactly, but disappointing her.

So when I started writing, I didn’t tell her. I was too scared that if I never finished it or it never was published, that she’d see me as a failure. When Up a Dry Creek developed into a hot, sexy romantic suspense. Well … I decided to never tell her. After all, our birds and the bees conversation consisted of her telling me, “That’s what sex ed is for at school.”

When I got the acceptance call from Evernight Publishing, I did a happy dance. I told my husband, my friends and my arthritic dogs, but not my mom. She called on the phone that night. We chatted about all the regular things, while inside I was in turmoil. Instead of sharing my excitement about being published, I tucked it away like a dirty little secret. And like all secrets, it  hurt to keep.

Every time we spoke, my lie of omission nudged at me. It whispered mean words into my subconscious about the validity of writing spicy romance. Worst of all, it created a distance between my mother and I.

Then, I was lucky enough to go to the Washington Romance Writers retreat. I spent an entire weekend with more than 100 writers. We talked about the process of writing and publishing. We took classes about character development. We drank wine and imagined an M/M/M erotic romance based on the Three Musketeers.

I was free. For the first time in months, my secret didn’t make me feel less than. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized why – because keeping that secret from my mom took a lot of energy and made me feel bad about myself.

So that day I dialed my mom’s number with sweaty palms and a nervous stomach. When I told her that I’d written Up a Dry Creek and that it would be published, she cried. Not because she was upset, but because she was so proud of me.

Yep, proud.

I’m tearing up typing this because there really isn’t a better feeling in the world that making your mom proud – even when you’re a mom yourself.

So a few of my fellow mermaids and I swam out to a local watering hole for drinks an dinner. We each had steak. What you didn’t think mermaids were carnivores?

The conversation centered around our works in progress, books we were reading. RWA nationals and even the regular non-book related gossip. That’s when Mermaid Kerri (yes, I’m totally outing you here) starting telling stories about her mom, Cathi. This is the same Mermom who rearranged the Nora Roberts section at a local bookstore so all the books were in chronological order. She doesn’t understand why in the world anyone would ever read anything besides romance. She goes down to Walmart nearly every day and buys a romance novel. Quiet frankly, I feel like my life won’t be complete until I finally get to meet her in person.

And best of all, Mermom Cathi is one of Mermaid Kerri’s biggest supporters. I love that.

Writing is hard. It’s lonely. It’s frustrating as hell. But when it works … well, then it’s glorious. We all need our supporters to help us get past the crappy times. We all need a Mermom Cathi. If you have one, go give them a hug. Hell, give them two. Listening to a writer bitch and moan can be a real pain in the neck. 🙂

Because you may not have a Mermom Cathi at your disposal, here are a few writing quotes to give you a giggle, shake your head in agreement with and motivate you to write on.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure. – Oliver Herford

The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. – Mark Twain

I write to escape … to escape poverty. – Edgar Rice Burroughs

If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing. – Kingsley Amis quotes

It’s a damn good story. If you have any comments, write them on the back of a check. – Erle Stanley Gardner

Writing is a lonely job, unless you’re a drinker, in which case you always have a friend within reach. – Emilio Estevez

When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I am grown up, they call me a writer. – Isaac Bashevis Singer

And my favorite writing quote of all time:

Nothing is ever finished, you just run out of time. – Anonymous

#amwriting Word Metrics

Project: A Dry Creek Bed (sequel to Up a Dry Creek)

Deadline: Aug. 31, 2011

New Words Written: None – going through revision/edits. Ugh.

Present Total Word Count: Just shy of 60,000

I love Tina Fey.

(I know, probably not the first words you expect when reading a blog titled Sex, Sex and More Sex, but I swear it fits in.)

In her movie Date Night there is a scene at the beginning when she comes to bed wearing a ratty old T-shirt and her retainer. Her husband (the adorable Steve Carell) looks at her and says, “I guess were not having sex tonight.” This leads to a discussion of whether they can rally, i.e. change their mindset and get up the energy for sex.

This scene made me laugh out loud. Not because it’s a situation my characters Claire Layton and Jake Warrick encounter in Up a Dry Creek. No way. Those two are so attracted to each other they have to practically sit on their hands not to touch each other. However, as the chronicler of their story, I had to rally a time or two to get in the mood to write hot sex scenes. Face it, even we writers get headaches.

So what do I do to rally? How do I get in the mood to write a sex scene?

Music. I break out the old school Prince. Slow Love is at the top of my list for great songs to write sex to, along with Adore, Soft and Wet and When You Were Mine. Some sample lyrics from Slow Love, “U can see through race car drivers / Let me show U what I’m made of / Tonight is the night 4 making slow love.” The man cannot spell to save his life, but oh can he write a damn good rally song.

No Distractions. Most of the time my house is a zoo with animals, children and a husband wandering through my office (I swear one of these days I’m putting in a door.). This is not conducive to writing a love scene. So I save them for mid-afternoon when everyone has wondered away or late at night when they’re all sacked out.

Motivation. Not my motivation, the characters. In Up a Dry Creek, Claire and Jake are attracted to each other from the get-go, but when they finally make love it’s not just about sex. It’s about that connection they have forged with each other that is expressed through what their bodies do together. Like in real life, plain sex is good but emotionally-charged sex is amazing.

A glass of wine and a back rub sure help too, but those are my top three requirements for writing a sex scene. I’m tempted to say a visit from Mark Wahlberg (who plays the hot security expert in Date Night) would help, but I can’t imagine I’d have any energy left over to type. 🙂

Lately, there has not been enough chocolate in the world to satisfy me.

Also, the Washington Post’s review of the last Harry Potter movie made me cry – and I’ve only read a few of the books and seen two of the movies, it’s not like I’m invested.

Finally, I’m a bit …. how should I put it … snarly.

So it hit me today, PMS has snuck up on me again. Yeah, I’m real quick that way.

What does my TMI have to do with writing? Well, just as scientists have declared that men get PMS too, so do writers. Ours is a special strain and by using the following self-diagnosis chart you can determine if you are suffering from Writer PMS.

1. Is Everything You Write Crap?

Now, that’s not what other people say about it. That’s what that cranky-pants who lives in the back of your head whispers to you while you’re staring at your computer screen.

2. Are You Unable to Spell?

Most of us have words that baffle us (one of mine is bananas – yes, I had to use spell check to write that), but when a writer is struck with Writer PMS even the word the becomes difficult.

3. Does No One Understand Your Brilliance?

This is the ying to No. 1’s yang. So what if twelve critique parters, three potential agents, four editors and even your dog has said you plot is implausible and your hero a slime ball? You won’t even consider taking a critical eye to your perfect prose.

4. Have You Decided to Scrap Everything?

Similar to No. 1, but with the added twist of a delete button, this symptom of Writer PMS is one of the most serious. Just as one shouldn’t shop for tight dresses while PMSing, nor should you make book altering decisions when you’re in such a state of mind.

5. Is Every Word Out of Your Mouth to Your Writer Friends is a Complaint?

We all have bad days, but when one is suffering from Writer PMS there is nothing redeeming to be found in the writing life. The royalties suck. The editors are idiots. Other writers just want to steal our ideas. Agents are evil trolls. And book reviewers/bloggers – they’re stuck up wenches. I know, I know. It’s shocking to see it written, but when you’re in the throes of Writer PMS it all seems logical and totally rational.

If you’ve answered yes to any of the above symptoms, you may be suffering from a case of Writers PMS.

If you’ve answered yes as many as four questions, you have a raging case of Writers PMS.

If you’ve answered yes to all five questions, I’m staying the hell out of your way because you’re on the verge of going postal.

The good news about Writer PMS is that while we all suffer occasionally, it’s effects are temporary. Give it a few days and you’ll pull out of the funk and return to your normally brilliant self. The best cure is amazing friends (may I suggest the Waterworld Mermaids?), walking away from the computer for at least a day and warm chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven.

The last few weeks have been crazy. Everything has centered around my debut novel, Up a Dry Creek, coming out today. Yep, today. If I wasn’t so freaked out I’d be having the time of my life.

However, reality yanked me out of my debut novel euphoria on Friday. There I was typing away when my computer made a sound I hear multiple times a day – a sweet little bing accompanied by a calendar reminder box. June 15: Pay Estimate 2011 Taxes. Ugh. Talk about a buzz kill.

So let’s talk money. More specifically taxes.

First off, know that none of this is meant as professional advice. I am not now nor have I ever been an accountant – trust me, one glance at my checkbook and you’d realize how true that is. However, I’ve learned a few things the hard way that may make paying the piper a little easier for you.

1. Writing is your passion, your love and your obsession. It’s also your business. Even if your business isn’t a profitable one, you need to keep track of expenses and consult with an accountant or tax software program to take advantage of the deductions available to your small businesses
2. Keep receipts for everything: how-to books, research, association memberships, continuing education courses, meetings, paper, pens and anything else that has to do with your writing. That rule includes some big ticket items such as laptops and printers, also. You may be able to write off these expenses at the end of the year. I’ve yet to convince my accountant that my gargantuan investment in coffee is a necessary business expense, but if I ever succeed I’ll let you know.
3. If you have a dedicated space for writing that is used only for that, you may be able to take a home office deduction. It doesn’t matter if it’s an individual room, an alcove or an empty closet (hey, I’ve been there), what’s important is that you use it only for business.
4. When you are operating a profitable writing business (and may this be all of you), pay your estimated taxes on time and in full – state and federal. Not doing so can mean the difference between going to Disney and having a stay-cation because you drained your vacation fund to pay taxes. That sound you hear? It’s my kids whining.
5. Get in touch with your inner money honey. You’re a writer, you know how to do research. Turn those skills to the money side of your writing business to discover how you can help to make it a more profitable one.

Money. It’s not something we writers talk about all the time, but we should. After all, as Big Worm says in the movie Friday, “Messing with my money, is like messing with my emotions.” Amen to that.