This Will Scare the S#*T Out of You

I rearranged my office the other day and pushed my desk closer to the heater vent so I wouldn’t keel over from what the fab Mr. Flynn has diagnosed as colditis. The bad new is, it didn’t work. I’m still freezing my butt off. The good news is I found a bunch of books I forgot I had. Don’t you love it when that happens?!?

One of my favorite random books is 1,001 Facts That Will Scare the S#*T Out of You by Cary McNeal ( That is the actual title. If it was up to me, I’d have typed out shit and let the other mermaids try to take me down. Oh wait, I just did it. I don’t feel as badass as I thought I would.

Anywho … back to the book.Β 

1,001 Facts is one of the books that I pick up whenever I need to remind myself that I can’t reach through the phone and strangle annoying people. (Hey, we all have coping mechanisms.) The book has factoids that will make you call out for mommy on a number of topics including animals, human misbehaviors, workplace misery, sports and more.Β This list from 1,001 is in honor of the cold and flu season that arrived at the Flynn household over the holidays.

WARNING: If you’re a germaphobe go grab a few Clorox wipes. Who am I kidding? Like you’d even touch a computer keyboard without a hazmat suit.

1. Office desks have 400 times more bacteria than toilet seats.

2. The place where you rest your hands on your desk is home to 10 million bacteria at any given time.

3. Demodex mites, or follicle mites, live in human skin. By some estimates, you have a colony of 1,000 to 2,000 living in your skin right now.

4. Bacteria can grow and divide every 20 minutes, turning one bacterial cell into 16 million in just eight hours.

5. A sneeze expels germ-filled droplets up to 30 feet.

6. Finger holes in bowling balls have been found to contain substantial amounts of fecal contamination.

7. Flushing the toilet can propel small drops of aerosolized fecal matter through the air as far as 20 feet.

8. The most germ-laden place on your toilet isn’t the seat of even the bowl; it’s the handle.

9. One pound of peanut butter can contain up to 150 bug fragments and five rodent hairs.

10. Ancient Romans used human urine as an ingredient in their toothpaste.

Bonus: A rat can compress its body to fit through an opening as small as a half-inch in diameter, making it almost impossible to rat-proof a building or home.

Anyone know where I can get one of those hazmat suits?