Where do I write? These days, nowhere. Not in my head, not on my keyboard, not in a creative nook, not in a fancy writing office with a cantankerous cat.
Nowhere.
Life has gotten in the way. Not an excuse for some, but it is for me. And I’m okay with it. This is the first time I’ve touched the keyboard in months. How many, I don’t know. Lost count, to be exact. And so that’s where I am.
Nowhere.
Not developing new story ideas. Not creating new characters. Not writing fast drafts.
Nowhere.
Except is that really where I am?
I stop by my parents’ house. My gaze falls on a poem I wrote to them, years ago.
We still remember where we came from
The withered birches standing tall
The dachas with their secret gardens
That rolled from summer into fall.
As children we knew very little
Of all the hardships they endured
They did not want us bearing witness
To those same struggles, as we matured.
Around the many kitchen tables
They pondered when they would live free
And during many whispered evenings
They plotted, how and when they’d flee.
While soundly we slept like children
They chose whether to leave their lives
Because they knew that staying in Russia
Would only lead us to demise.
They quickly packed up our belongings
Then took us far away from home
So that we’d never know the struggles
They had had sadly always known.
It was not Fate that gave us choices
Nor was it Her that gave us life
It was our family’s act of courage
That gave us freedom without strife.
So where am I?
Living in freedom to write about being nowhere. That’s not nowhere. That’s somewhere special.
Hi Masha, You know what a giant fan I am of you. I think it’s because to me, you are a perfect example of the mix between free will and everything happening for a reason. Every breath you take was meant to have been taken, and every word you write no matter how often or how scarce leaves it’s mark on whoever reads it, being meant for them to read it. I feel like when our writing journeys are filled with struggles, when our lives are filled with struggles, it’s so that others can see a way through it. The way they see that is because of people like you and your parents. So what I’m saying is that you will make the choices and put in the hard work and get through the struggles because that is who you are, and everyone else is going to benefit from that because they were meant to see you as an example of possibility. I’m not sure you signed up for that, but as one of those people who looks to you, I just wanted to say thank you.
And you are someone special! Sometimes life gets in the way, but I know that when life settles down you will find your way back to the keyboard, and be as awesome as always.