She Said WHAT?!?!

On a recent road trip, my Mom and I were having a typical chat about the romance novels we were reading when our conversation took a bit of a turn. Suddenly, we went from lamenting the conflict keeping the beloved characters apart to a whole bunch of sexy/smutty/slutty/inappropriate words and phrases commonly found in romance novels. Here’s the conversation.  The Diva Kerr-ina

Kerri: I’ll tell you what word I hate more than any other word in the world. Actually, I can’t even say it out loud, but it rhymes with bitties.

Kerri’s Mom: Oh yeah? Well, I don’t like the C word – you know, like a rooster. And I don’t like rod and W.P. either.

Kerri: Oh yes, you hate the W.P. (W.P. stands for a very common phrase in romance novels – a wet hoo-ha.)

Mom: Well, who likes it? The only W.P. I want to hear about is when my cat gets soaked in the rain.

Kerri: Exactly.

Mom: Furthermore, the scrotum is not attractive. I hate when they say how GLORIOUS it is. Nothing down there is beautiful.

Kerri: Gross. How come no one ever has morning breath in the romance world?

Mom: How come they always look into each other’s eyes and “just know” what that person is thinking? I’ve been married to your dad for forty years and I don’t know what the hell is going on in that head.

Kerri: What about when the heroine is short but still has long legs?

Mom: And the hero imagines them wrapping around him.

Kerri: That makes me think about an octopus crushing someone to death. Oh, and why are they always PUNCHING numbers into the phone? I get they’re supposed to be angry but cell phones don’t work like that.

Mom: And that’s a stupid phrase anyway. I don’t like the use of “pounding,” know what I mean?

Kerri: Gahhhh.

Mom: And I hate the terms mound, nub and throbbing. And no one should talk about kissing lips unless they are on a face.

Kerri: Anything else?

Mom: Yes. I don’t like when they have sex after an injury, gun shot, operation and/or flu.

Kerri: I can’t even wash dishes when I have a hang nail.

Mom: Exactly. And we haven’t even mentioned the bulging rooster.

Kerri: Bulging c*ck doesn’t bother me. But I hate when it twitches.

Mom: WHAT?!?! Twitches?

Kerri: Oh yeah, this is a pretty popular phrase now. His cock gave a little twitch in appreciation or anticipation.

Mom: That is really stupid.

Kerri: And gross.

 

There you have it, folks. Like mother, like daughter. What? Isn’t this what you talk about in the car?

Your turn – tell us what word or phrase you could do without in the comments below.