Why Am I Doing This?

I can’t say much about what’s going on in my writing life lately, but I can tell you that I’ve been working harder than ever. Getting up almost two hours earlier so I can have writing time before my day job, squeezing in a little writing at lunch and even jotting notes down while I watch TV at night. Writing on public transportation, writing during vacations, writing on weekends. Writing. Writing. Writing….

I’m exhausted. Although, I’m accomplishing A LOT.

But something happened recently that I can’t share (damn, I’m full of secrets today) that made me pause and ask myself: Why am I really doing this?  The Diva Kerr-ina

Any creative endeavor requires a lot of personal energy, angst and dedication. Throw in the attempt to get published on top of the actual writing and it can become a one-way ticket to Crazy Town. Here are some possible reasons why we creative crazies do what we do:

  • We feel better when we write (sing, dance, etc.).
  • Because someone (or lots of people) was mean and we’re going to “show them.”
  • To be able to brag about our accomplishments like everyone else.
  • Because we truly love it.
  • To make someone (or lots of people) proud.
  • Because it’s been X number of years and we’re starting to feel like the creative equivalent of that damn perpetual bridesmaid.
  • Real or not, we have something to prove.
  • We feel very strongly that we were born to do this.

 

I am guilty of all of the above.

But please notice that not all of these things are bad. I do truly love writing and I know it’s what I’m meant to do. But all that other stuff? How do I curb it? Because I know it’s only getting in my way.

I don’t have the answer to that question and I’m pretty sure I don’t have the massive amount of money to spend on the therapy I probably need.

But at our recent WRW Retreat, author Jane Porter said something that stuck with me. What is success to you? So I ask you (and myself), what qualifies as success? (For writers – published or not, and for everyone else.)

Getting published? Becoming a best seller? Getting five billion Facebook followers? Feeling useful? Cleaning your house? Getting a raise? Making sure your kid’s hair bow matches her socks?

I’m pretty sure that when I finally get a book published, that “mean” girl is still going to be mean. Sadly, that person I really want to notice me probably still won’t. And as much as I try to deny it, I will always be a writer, published or not.

That’s all I got for you today, my lovelies. Off to research financial aid options for the loony bin….